Stop. Right. There.

I did it. No only did I graduate from the 2nd most rigorous university in the nation while working somewhere between part and full time, but I became a wedding planner all in the same day. I am so very fortunate to drop one thing, and immediately move on to the next, but now I am thinking it was a little too fast. Don't get me wrong, I am relieved that I no longer have to conceal my true identity and explain why I am always in a 'meeting' from 11:30 to 1:30 consistently on Mondays and Wednesdays. Apparently, I am living every girls dream. thanks to J Lo and Say yes to the Dress. I had no idea until recently, a young girl said to me 'You're a wedding planner? NO WAY! That's my dream, and you know that's every girls' dream, right? Wow, you're so cool!" I, of course, was fascinated by this response, I was flattered, and yet I was thinking, "Girl you just don't even know how not dream-like this career is."
Ever since watching the famous film The Wedding Planner, I have had this feeling in my gut that guided me towards that profession. That was me. And I thought this dream job was so very unattainable, just like most young girls, until last summer. What I am amazed at now is how funny it is that this 'dream' is mostly a rude awakening to a 5 day old 'real adult'. (Real adult is my term for those that have graduated and moved on to the 'real' world.) I have moved and changed my life all in a matter of 3 days. I went to work for the first day as a 'glamorous' wedding planner with a car loaded down much like the Clampits, and went full speed ahead returning emails  and making phone calls and executing my bosses never ending to do list, not even a chance to unpack let alone breathe and process I just left my family and my friends. Oh and did I mention that I have my first ever solo wedding next weekend along with the company's 7 in the next 8 days? Yeah its madness....I am mad. As I type this I know I am complaining (mainly from lack of sleep:)), but I have lived my life like this for my lifetime...I can't imagine it being any other way, even though I wish I knew how to take a breather (my goal for the summer is to master that.) But all the while these questions keep ringing in my head. Why don't they tell you in college what this transition is REALLY like? Why don't they tell you that it is the scariest feeling in the world to not know when you will make your next deposit into your bank account? Why don't they tell you it stinks to not have your best friend beside you brushing her teeth at night? Why don't they tell you that not seeing your mother on mother's day for the first time is just plain sad? Why don't they tell you how to shop for a bank, an eye doctor, and all the other bajillion errands I ran today? Friends, saying 'here comes the real world' like our parents and professors say does not do justice to the emotions I am feeling. I really was not expecting this, but what in life have I expected correctly? Exactly...NOTHING.
The title to my blog says it all. This journey I am on is truly for better, meaning I make it, or for worse, meaning I fail. The latter is a terrifying thing for me, seeing as I have rarely if ever failed at something--I realize now how bad this sounds...rather narcissistic...but its true. By the way, love does not count in the fail category because I fail at that all the time:) Yes I have had my challenges along the way, and thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I have overcome. Tonight, I am feeling almost defeated before I even begin the race. Faith is a beautiful thing, and right now that is what I am clinging to.
Let me tell you my favorite part...I come home everyday to 5 beautiful children (not my own:)) who love me unconditionally and do not care at all that I got rejected by 2 clients today. My friends, there is nothing better than this. I would not trade the hugs I receive or the screams of joy or the running of feet above me at 6am for a million dollars.
I know that this entry has been a lot of complaining, but I want this to be raw. I want you to be able to understand where I am coming from. My hope is that I will blog often, people will read (maybe even people I don't know:), and they will be inspired by my story to overcome the challenges of being a 'real' adult. I know this is only the beginning. I know that it will get better. All because I have faith, and 5 children that will play a round of hide and seek with me regardless of what happened to me earlier that day.